The past couple of weeks have been a bit rough to say the least. The news has become so frightening these days and everyone has been feeling the effects of our crashing economy. Being a new business owner, I have been especially frightened about what all of this bad news means for me and LAMA, which has left me feeling a bit blue. No, not pretty LAMA blue, just down in the dumps blue. A VERY unflattering shade of blue. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but all the fear has caused me to crawl inside my shell and rethink all the choices I have made in the past few years of my life. Was I crazy to leave the work force and create my own business? Should I have stayed in the interior design world longer and waited a few more years to open LAMA? Was I too young and naive to think I could actually do all of this?!

And so my own great depression set in quickly followed by a brief (but strong) personal recession in which I actually believed (and again, I hate to admit it) that LAMA was a huge mistake and at twenty six, I had already made the biggest mistake of my life. Dramatic? Yes. Very. 

I decided to let myself cry… a lot … until I felt my fears pass. I started to talk to friends and family about how I was feeling, I went hiking in the beautiful Berkeley hills, I knitted a scarf, I watched The Daily Show (John Stewart always makes me laugh), I listened to my favorite Zero 7 album which always reminds me of the long bus rides I took through Ecuador back when LAMA was just a little dream in my mind and I read “What Should I Do With My Life” by Po Bronson. 

I found this book to be both comforting and inspiring. It’s “the true story of people who answered the ultimate question.” Reading about others who followed their hearts and pursued their passions made me feel a lot less alone and a lot more positive about leaving my old job to create my new one. Not every story ended happily as not everyone who chases their dreams catches them in the end. What I found to be so reassuring though was that not a single one of these people regretted the choices they made and, for all of them, it has led them to a deeper understanding of themselves and their capabilities. 

Maybe LAMA won’t weather the storm, though, deep down I know it will. What I do know for a fact is that creating this business WAS NOT the biggest mistake of my life. There are now three things I know for a fact: 1. I still love my high school sweet heart 2. Miles is the best dog ever 3. LAMA never was and never will be a mistake. I love what I do. I love the people I have been lucky enough to meet. I love the feeling I get when a someone sends me an email telling me how much they love LAMA and I love that there are so many possibilities in front of me. Who knows what LAMA will be in the next few years! An actual brick and mortar? I hope so!! 

That leaves me where I am today. Today I feel really optimistic about my future. I just got off the phone with my mommy. She couldn’t stop raving about the Tina Turner concert my dad took her to last night for their thirty third wedding anniversary. They also recently returned home from a trip all over Europe. She said the best thing to me. “I keep crossing things off my list. I’m doing all the things I always dreamed of doing.” It made me stop and think about my own “to do” list and all the things I’ve been able to cross off in the past few years and that was the most encouraging feeling ever. 

So, to conclude, my major crisis of Fall ’08 has been averted. I pulled through and have decided to reemerge with more blog posts. This is pretty fun actually! I would like to get in the habit of blogging more often. It’s my early New Years resolution. (Wow, look how retail has already gotten to me. It’s not even Halloween and I’m already thinking about the holiday season!)

I hope everyone is doing well in these troubling times. If the state of the nation is getting you down, I highly recommend one of these Keep Calm posters that you can purchase here from the lovely Victoria Smith of sfgirlbybay. Buy it. Frame it. Hang it. And repeat it to yourself a hundred times a day. Trust me, it actually helps. 

Tags: LAMA, Po Bronson, sfgirlbybay

Posted on Wednesday, October 15th, 2008 at 2:00 pm / Category: Stories of a Shopkeeper. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.