Today marks my two year anniversary for LAMA. It’s also my dad’s birthday (Happy Birthday Dad!!) Three years ago I was jogging around Lake Merritt with my trusty sidekick Miles, when I suddenly had the crazy notion to start a company called LAMA. Don’t ask me why, I can’t explain where the thought came from. A year later, a job in SF left behind, thousands of miles traveled, six months lived in Berlin, and hundreds of conversations regarding my sanity had, I opened LAMA on July 15th 2008. Two years later, this is what I’ve learned:

- Being an entrepreneur is one of the most challenging things to be even for the most driven people. It is a 24/7 job. Literally. I think of LAMA all of the time. It’s not always the healthiest relationship and I often wonder if there are other business owners that don’t constantly think about the status of their work, but for me, LAMA is always on my mind. When LAMA suffers, I suffer. When LAMA is thriving, so am I. It’s a constant roller coaster of highs and lows and maintaining a healthy relationship with my work has been and continues to be a struggle.

- Working alone is REALLY difficult. A lot of people don’t know this (because I’m reluctant to say) but I run LAMA alone. No co-workers, no interns, no one. I am the head of marketing and pr, the head buyer, head of customer relations, warehouse manager, etc. During the holiday season, I stay up all night packaging shipments to make sure that everyone has their order before Christmas. It’s tough and it’s lonely and I wish I had a partner (anyone interested?) I hope to find someone(s) to join me in this journey.

- The challenge of starting and maintaining a business creates the unique experience of truly getting to know oneself. For me, it’s been overwhelming at times to look at myself in this mirror. On one end, I have realized that I am stronger than I ever imagined. I have done things and accomplished things I never imagined were possible for me. I have overcome, I have persevered, I have surprised myself and everyone around me. On the other end, I have seen my faults, experienced my shortcomings, and witnessed by downfalls. There have been times when I hardly recognize myself. For me, however, as difficult as this process has been, I am grateful for the deeper understanding I have of who I am. The good and the bad. Understanding my limitations makes me feel more human.

- Constant change is healthy and necessary. As someone who loves routine, this has been especially challenging and frightening for me. I am always fearful that if I change things too much, I’m going to lose what I worked so hard to build. I have realized that with business, there is no such thing as comfort and stability. Things shift and change all of the time and you just have to shift and change along with them. If you don’t, then you’re stuck. So, with this realization made, I’m ready to make a big shift with LAMA. I don’t know exactly what that is yet, but I’m taking the necessary time to try to quiet my life as much as I can to listen to that little voice inside with the answers. The one that told me to start a company called LAMA in the first place. I hope everyday when I wake up that today will be the day I can hear that voice. I think I’m getting really close.

Although this has been the most challenging three years of my life, I don’t regret a single moment of it. Win or lose, LAMA or no LAMA, bankruptcy or financial success, I went after my dream and I can move on with my life knowing that. I can look back someday and say that I did something special and meaningful no matter what the outcome is. That, to me, is worth everything that I have been through and continue to go through. I feel so fortunate to be able to say that and I am forever grateful to the people that have made that possible for me. Looking back on all of it, the biggest lesson I have learned is to allow the people who love me into my life. To share with them my feelings (the good and the bad) and allow them to support me. No one expects me to be perfect, in fact, I think they feel more connected to me knowing that I’m not.

Posted on Thursday, July 15th, 2010 at 12:06 pm / Category: LAMA News, Stories of a Shopkeeper. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.